6 Most Badass Animals On The Planet

There are some animals on the planet that just suck. These things are easy to kill by staring at them. Then there are the tough animals, almost unkillable monsters to ever roam the earth.

And then there are these guys.

6. Falcon


Yeah, that's right. I'm watching you.



Just look at this guy! With eyes as keen as a hawk's and talon like knives, this guy puts Superman to shame. Of course, EVERYONE puts Superman to shame, but I thought I had to emphasize that a little bit. Just look at that stare. It's like he's staring into your soul. The very same soul he's about to rip out of your chest.....or where ever you keep your soul.

5. Hippopotamus



The "Everything Else In The World" Eating Race!

Behold the hippo, the only animal able to snap a crocodile in half like the very toothpick it used to pick lions out of its teeth. This monstrosity can be 6,000 pounds and have teeth the size of bowling pins! It's like a giant, meat twinkie with teeth.

Oh, and its hide is so thick, bullets bounce off it. That's right. Not only does this thing uses crocodiles to pick lions and YOU out of its teeth, but it's also bulletproof. No wonder it kills more humans than any other animal in Africa. It's like Chuck Norris with a gland disorder.

4. Army Ant

Their favorite foods include caterpillars, beetles, and your face.

These little murderers attack by attacking simultaneously en masse, in groups known as raids. They're like little, tiny Huns, ready to rip you limb from limb. Literally.

Don't take our word for it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN6w1rIt1wk

Ants are the only animals besides humans that enslave their own. We mean they bring out the ant whips and ant cattle prods. And no. There's no ant Underground Railroad.

One more thing: Ants are also the only animals besides Humans that declare war on others. We should just be happy they haven't learned how to drive tanks.

Yet.

3. Polar Bear



Ahh...it's so cu-IT'S GOT MY LEG!

 Polar Bears. The largest darn land carnivore on the stinkin' planet! The one ton animal that can kill you in 5 FREAKIN' SECONDS! At 11ft tall while standing up, this thing is like you took Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan, and Theodore Roosevelt and made an animal out of them. And contrary to what you see in movies and Coca Cola commercials, Polar Bears live in the North Pole and Penguins live in the South Pole. That's right. Polar Bears scared even Penguins out of the North Pole.

Here's a video:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/836044/polar_bear_attack/

And the best part is they have no natural predators. That includes humans. Even mankind can't stop the rampage of these destructive monsters! NO NATURAL PREDATORS!



Except maybe the sun.



2. Green Sea Slug



Nope. No slugs here. Just a couple of slug-shaped leaves.


We've all dreamt of the amazing Planimal, an organism that was half-plant, half-animal. After seeing it on Tremors: The TV Series, we all wondered if it was actually possible. But we all figured it was just a myth.

We were all wrong. Even you. Yeah, I'm talking to you!

As we all know here on Goop Humor, the ocean is an awesome and terrifying place. The Green Sea Slug puts its mark on the "awesome" end of the meter. By eating certain algaes, the Green Sea Slug (Scientific name: Freakfacius planimalius) can absorb the chloroplasts and insert them into its own DNA, (Like a genetic moochy neighbor who never returned the lawn mower he "absorbed" from you.) allowing the slug to perform photosynthesis. That's right. The only way you can starve this thing is to block out the sun.



The sun hates Polar Bears AND slugs, apparently.





1. Tardigrade (Water Bear)

They're right. The resemblance is uncanny!

Why they called this thing a Water Bear, we don't know. Though the guy who named it was Italian, so we think that justifies it. He claims it's called a Water Bear because "it moves gracefully and smoothly like a bear". We don't exactly think of the bear being the Michael Jackson of the animal world (ok, maybe the panda bear). We actually think of the bear as the Mr. T of the animal world, pitying all of the squirrels and moose that get in his way. But that's cool with us, because the Water Bear is nearly indestructible.

Yeah. You can't kill it. Plain as that. Extreme Temperatures? Nope. It can survive at 151 degrees, and at -272 degrees celcius (about 1 degree away from absolute zero.) Radiation? Nope. It can revert to a freeze dried form until the atmosphere becomes breathable again. Dehydration? Nope. Toxins? Nope.

HOW ABOUT THE STINKIN' VACUUM OF SPACE? DOES THAT WORK?
No, it doesn't.

To add to its badassery, its the animal whose name most sounds like a Pokemon.