Mother Nature is responsible for all living things on the planet. But she's also a sadistic jerk with a cruel sense of humor. It seems that, when there's nothing to do on a Sunday, she has herself a ball making things to stick on the planet for the sheer purpose of scaring the crap out of us.
6. Star-Nose Mole Wants to Mole-st You
OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT?
That, my friends, is the Star-Nosed Mole, one of Mother Nature's wretched abominations. And yes, that's its NOSE. Star Nosed-Mole uses that death shnozz to search for worms, centipedes, and the souls of dead babies. Like Michael Jackson, it has one of the freakiest noses of all time. Unlike Michael Jackson, however, we can't say for sure if this thing has ever molested a child.
5. Gulper Eel Wants You for Dinner
We know what you're thinking. No. This is NOT a photoshop. This abomination actually EXISTS. It's called the Satanfish. Oh wait. My bad. It's called the Gulper Eel, although I don't really see the difference. It's basically just a floating stomach........with teeth. It floats around the abyss, snapping up innocent bystanders when they don't expect it. Kind of like door-to-door salesman. Makes it worse actually.
4. Fish That Ate All the Drugs
Now she's done it. She's created a fish that looks more terrifying than the Michael Jackson Mole and the Satanfish combined. In case you couldn't tell, this thing lives in the abyss, otherwise known as the Void of Lost Souls! This thing looks like someone took everything you ever did wrong in your life, and turned it into a fish. Or is it a boggart? I can't decide.
3. Fish With A Human Face
It seems the guy who made the Human Centipede also made the Eternal Damnation Fish, otherwise known as the Koi. Most Koi don't have a human face. But every so often, God (or Satan. It could be either's doing) decided to play a trick on us. Imagine if you went fishing one day, and this thing said, "What's up, Bill?"
2. Squid Wants To Eat Your Face
Ok, now this is just getting ridiculous. What's worse than a fish with a human face? A squid with FREAKING HUMAN TEETH! SINCE WHEN DO SQUID HAVE TEETH AT ALL? People tell us it's just the squid's lips (?) protecting the beak, but whatever it is, we're not going anywhere near that Hellsquid's Hole of Toothy Death.
Last But Not Least...................................
1. Japanese Spider Crab Is Thirsty For Souls
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HP LOVECRAFT HAS GONE MAD!!!!!!!!! Oh wait! That's not the spawn of Cthulu! That's the Japanese Giant Spider Crab. Just its name is the scourge of people who can hear or read.
1. Japanese=Horrifying
2. Giant=Horrifying
3. Spider=Horrifying
4. Crab=Horrifying
This thing is 13 feet across, which is 13 feet larger than we typically like our Japanese Death Beasts. Also it's the son of Ebriah.
Make sure to look real good under your bed and inside your pillow before you go to sleep tonight. Don't turn around............................Just stay put....................................
